


Money Madness

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-16
Updated: 2009-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:11:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3494705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toki seems to have a lot of cash all the sudden.... where is he getting it?  Charles is worried.</p><p>All of them are in this, but I tend to tag only the main characters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Money Madness

Charles thought he had a foolproof method of keeping track of everything Dethklok bought. They all had their credit cards, no cash, and he paid the bills. Every item was listed neatly on the detailed billing statements. He didn’t really care _what_ they bought, he just wanted to know about it. Surprises were for pussies, Charles was always prepared. All gifts and packages were carefully screened and inventoried. All visitors were thoroughly searched. So when Toki suddenly started giving people presents that he hadn’t seen the bills for, he didn’t know what to make of it.

It might have gone unnoticed at first, except Toki had chosen to give him a gift. A small pocket knife with his initials engraved on it. Very thoughtful.... but quite confusing. How did he pay for this? There was no record of it. Charles started watching old video feeds, looking for anything he must have missed. Hmmm, Toki seemed to be interacting with the groupies more, but he still wasn’t taking them to his room. But other than that, he couldn’t spot anything at all out of the ordinary.

Murderface was very surprised when Toki shyly presented him with a long box. Opening it, he found the bayonet he’d so admired in that asshole’s pawnshop. The guy had refused his credit card, and then called the cops when he threatened to kill him over it. But somehow, Toki had gotten it for him. Completely at loss on how to respond to kindness, Murderface grunted his appreciation and hurried off to his room to _really_ examine his new toy.

Nathan received a smaller and better mini-recorder. His had been malfunctioning sometimes, and Toki knew that. This was the one Nathan had been wanting, but was holding back because of the price. He didn’t want Charles to bitch at him for spending so much on something so small. But somehow, Toki had bought it for him. Since nobody was looking, he gave him a hug for his thoughtfulness. It was just like Toki to know what he needed, he noticed a lot more than they tended to give him credit for.

Skwisgaar got a bleached sheepskin rug. Not the usual yellowish sheepskin, but snowy white and ultra soft. He’d always wanted one of those, they were the ultimate in luxury, but the only place he could find the truly white ones wouldn’t take credit. Those bastards. Toki must have paid cash for this, and a _lot_ of it. He put it beside his bed, so he could sit with is feet in the softness, or even reach down and pet it if he felt like it. 

Pickles’s gift was nothing exceptional, just a couple bottles of high quality alcohol that he rarely bought for himself. Toki hadn’t been able to think of anything else to get him, really. Pickles was quite pleased, his favorite brands and it wasn’t even his birthday. 

Meanwhile, Charles was going crazy. In addition to buying everyone presents, Toki had also bought himself some new toys. _None_ of it was on the credit card. And on the security cameras, Charles had actually seen him pull out a huge wad of cash. _Where_ was this cash coming from? _Who_ was giving it to him? Charles smacked himself in the head. Damnit, what was he missing? This was completely unacceptable.

He decided to hold a band meeting. Maybe the others were in on this too? Either way, he needed to get to the bottom of it. They all filed in, in their usual grumpy manner. Charles saw that Toki was now wearing a necklace. Heavy silver, with a dollar sign pendant covered in (what he hoped were) rhinestones. That was new, that was weird. They were all looking at him expectantly.

Charles wanted to get right to the point, but was distracted by Toki’s new necklace. He had to ask, “Um Toki? Why are you wearing that?” Toki grinned, “Because I’s the pip.” Pickles rolled his eyes. “Pimp, Toki,” Pickles whispered, “The word is pimp.”  
“So Toki... you’re a pimp now? Is that right? That’s how you’re getting all this cash?”  
“Yah, that’s rights.”  
“So.... where did you find your whores?”  
“I onlies gots one whore.”  
“I see. And she is....?”  
Toki laughed, “Is not a she, is just Skwisgaar.”

This was apparently news to Skwisgaar. “WHAT?!!! You’s pimping _me_?!” Toki gave him a hard look. “Yah. Now shuts up or I’s smacks you.” Charles searched his brain to make sure this sort of thing was somehow covered in the forms everybody was forced to sign.... he thought it.... was. Okay, that was good. Now to deal with his guitarists.

“Toki, now let me get this straight. You’ve been charging people to.... have sex with Skwisgaar?”  
“Yah, he’s a whore anyway, might as well gets some monies for it.”  
“But you’re not giving him the money, are you?”  
“Nope I’s gots this pimpin’ thing down. No monies for the whore.”  
“Okay... How much are you charging them?”  
“Whatevers they gots, usually.”

Pickles was listening, fascinated. “Dude, why’d I never think of that? You’re a fuckin’ genius!”  
Skwisgaar was still pissed, “I’s _not_ your fucking whores, Toki.”  
“Ya you are, you fucks anythings. You’d even fucks me.”  
Skwisgaar had no reply to that, he just looked uncomfortable. Toki stared him down smugly. “Dat’s what I’m talkin’ about, you fuckin’ whore.”

Charles wasn’t sure where this was going. The others were sitting back, clearly enjoying this show. But Skwisgaar was a sexual creature before anything else. His whole posture and tone changed, “Ja Toki, you wants me to fucks you. Okays, I will does that. Comes with me.” He held out his hand to Toki. As one, the others leaned forward in anticipation. 

Toki stared at the offered hand in shock. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. _He_ was supposed to be the one in control. Everybody was watching. He _couldn’t_ take that hand, even though he suddenly wanted to. Skwisgaar pounced on his uncertainty. “Come on Little Toki, You know you wants me.” He licked his lips sensuously, and beckoned with his hand.

Fuming, Toki pushed away from the table. “Fucks you Skwisgaar, You’s my bitch and don’ts you forgets it.” He turned and stomped out. Skwisgaar, with a smile, got up and wandered after him. Charles looked at the rapt faces of the other band members and sighed. He would have to brief security on the new groupie laws he’d just formulated. Looking from the direction the guitarists had gone to the still grinning faces of the remaining band members, Charles threw his hands up. “Well for the record, I tried.” He walked out too.


End file.
